Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
