Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize