but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
