There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
