I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize