Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
