He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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