I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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