i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
false alarm. still invincible.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
