he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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