It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
