Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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