There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
