Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
