You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
