The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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