I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
