ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
