I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
