just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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