my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
