How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hope mine doesn't look like that
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
