would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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