This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
