Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
