Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
