And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Welp...herpes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
