Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
