is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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