He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
