You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize