I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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