her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My vagina is very pro this idea
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