He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When are your genitals available?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
