our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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