Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
