youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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