I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish i was in the wii world.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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