he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
