There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
