Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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