And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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