Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
