Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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