I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
