no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
