Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
