we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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