Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
