Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
