thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
