So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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