I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She bit a glass in half.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
