but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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