One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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