Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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