U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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