I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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