i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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