my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
