making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
