it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I could make wine with my vomit
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
