got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
