His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
