I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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