Porn is love you can see.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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