I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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