hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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