What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize