I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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