Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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